All of us had parents. And if we are lucky enough, those parents will still be alive when we get to the stage where we start with a family ourselves one day. Should your parents be living with you while you are trying to raise a family, it could unfortunately also be the source of conflict and unhappiness.

Having your parents live on the same premises could be a huge blessing for a working family. The kids will not be alone. The house will not stand empty all day and be a magnet for burglars. There will be somebody to regularly water the garden and perhaps even prepare food for the family when they come home after a busy day at the office.

Many of the problems arise because the grandparents might interfere with the way their children raise the grandchildren. Or simply because you feel that you have no privacy any more. That is why it’s a good idea to make a sound investment in this regard: build a separate flatlet for your parents where they can go on with their own lives to a large extent.

Make sure the apartment has a kitchen of its own, where your mum can cook for her and your dad. It should be fully equipped including an oven. If you should buy a good quality Delonghi oven, for example, it will last for the rest of your parent’s lives.

You should ensure that the flat can be easily accessed. When you’re healthy and young, you sometimes forget how hard it is for a person suffering from leg arthritis to climb stairs. A wheelchair ramp is another good idea – even though it might not be necessary now it could become a huge asset later on.

Then allow them to spend some time with the grandchildren. You absolutely have to compromise here. It’s terrible for elderly people if their children cuts them off from their grandchildren. Once in a while take the baby bath to your parent’s flat and allow grandma to give a hand during the bathing ritual – it will remind her of the days when you were young and make her feel needed again.

Sometimes you will want to go for a drive with your children just to be alone for a while and your parents might want to come along. If you refuse, they will get upset and it will have a detrimental effect on your relationship. The best solution for this type of problem is to have at least one day per week where the whole family go out and spend some time together – grandma and grandpa included.

The way you handle the presence of your parents in your life when they are old, will set an example to your own kids. Don’t create a monster that will one day when you grow old come back and bight you. If you don’t treat your parents with respect, you can hardly expect your children to do so one day…

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