It’s easy to tell when a long-term relationship is on the rocks.  There’s something missing, always, in the environment – the gentle banter of chit-chat at the table and in the home, even when they’re each involved in different activities.  Each always seems to be too busy to accompany the other.  The level of stress between them is tangible.

There’s no eye contact – in fact, there’s no contact, period – physical intimacy is one of the first victims when a relationship goes sour and begins the decline to breakup.  Gone are the flirtatious glances and the random caresses.  There’s more warmth in a government office.

Relationships can often be rescued – many times the couple doesn’t want to split up, they just feel pushed, or they misinterpret each other’s intentions.  If this is the case, their first step is to overcome the coolness between themselves long enough to sit together and talk about their problems and deal with them together. It takes a while for a relationship to go sour, and it takes a while to restore it.  This sit-down shouldn’t be expected to solve the problems: in fact, it’s a successful conversation if the outcome is that the couple agrees to try to save their relationship.

After this conversation together, each needs to have a conversation with themselves. “Do I care enough about the other to work to beat our problems?” All other questions, like “Have we properly identified the problem(s)?” are subservient – the only reason to preserve the relationship is because of the feelings each must have for the other. Without such care, why bother trying to rescue the relationship?

At this point, assuming both have confirmed their desire to save the relationship, it’s time to sit down once again and get down to the nitty-gritty of discussing the sometimes hurtful specifics. Again, this isn’t the time for recriminations, regardless.  This is triage – identifying first the most critical obstacles to staying together and trying to deal with them.  Honesty and candor are still paramount – don’t make commitments to a course of action you’re uncomfortable with, or know you cannot live up to.  All that accomplishes is to hurt the other person and betray their trust.  Pledges made in these conversations must be kept.

The second step is something you set about as soon as the first step is well underway – while you’re identifying and solving problems, discuss also your hopes and dreams – and how they might have changed since you first got together.  Make new good memories together. If you care profoundly about each other even though you don’t really share many interests or dreams, don’t be too concerned – some special couples have glorious relationships without sharing any specific interests or aspirations, but those they have are complementary.  As long as you can continue to care for each other and continue to express it in word and in deed, your relationship should stay secure and thrive.

Finally, don’t lose track of your goal of solving your problems, putting a troublesome past behind you, and building a new future together.  Keep talking with each other and when you need help, ask for it, Now you’re at a point where you’ve become used to problem-solving, and when new issues crop up, you’re more than able to deal with them immediately so that they don’t become overwhelming.  The time will come when, looking back, the two of you will realize that this crisis was probably the best thing that happened to you!

If you found this article helpful and would like to discover more ways to improve your relationship, also check out Avoid a Breakup, Avoid a Breakup, and Second Chance Romance Review.

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